Acceptance.

I've been trying to avoid acceptance but I think it's catching up to me. Went to mass today and for some reason I started crying. Its only been a couple of weeks and I miss you most on my lazy days where I would usually call you and bug you about your day. I miss the comfort you gave me and the love you showed me. Today was the first day I've cried since the funeral. I wish I could hug you again.

Without Even Knowing It

I don't know why I've been thinking about you lately. I think I'm just upset because I feel like without even knowing it you are holding me back from taking a risk. I want to believe in sincerity, love, and honesty. I want to feel lust, compassion, and trust. I want to be able to freely let go of my fears and hesitations but you hold me back. Without even knowing it you hold me back. I question every word said to me, every act of kindness, every hint of devotion because you tainted my perception of what is real and what is fake. Yet do not mistake my flaws for weakness, because when that day comes where I can fully give my all without taking one step back, it will be beautiful and I will have you to thank for showing me exactly what love is not.

14 Years Ago

Although today marks 14 years of your passing, your memory will never be forgotten. Miss you Ryan. Hope you and Nanay are happy in Heaven.

Mid-February?

How is it mid February already?! Time is seriously going by so fast! February has been a lot of lows and highs but at the end of the day I still learned to appreciate what I have, Friends, Family, and a lot of loved ones.

Here are a few highs from February so far:


E3rd for Cin's bday: Happy belated bday Cin!



Valentines day:
Sushi dates, Red Roses, and Great company <3
Bay boys come to visit for a little Libertine fun. Man oh man never again with the Open Premium bar, it is just a disaster waiting to happen.


Continued the celebrations with a little Going Away fun for the Fabulous Ferd :) I seriously am one lucky girl to have so many amazing people in my life.

Empire Mindstate

Something Special

For all those People who have something special and for those who hope to find it someday :) Happy early Love day

It Stops Today - Colbie Caillat

Time-Out

I needed an emotional time out this weekend so I watched "No Strings Attached."

All I need to say is "YOU LOOK LIKE A PUMPKIN BITCH!" Thanks for the laugh.

She Is Love

I've been beaten down
I've been kicked around
But she takes it all for me
And I lost my faith
In my darkest days
But she makes me want to believe
They call her love, love, love, love, love
They call her love, love, love, love, love
She is love
And she is all I need
She's all I need
Well i had my ways
And they were all in vain
And she waited patiently
It was all the same
All my pride and shame,
But she put me on my feet
They call her love, love, love, love, love
They call her love, love, love, love, love
She is love
And she is all I need
She is love
And she is all I need
She is love

- Parachute
And she is all I need

Will Never Say Bye

My Angel

Yesterday the world lost an amazing woman and heaven gained one more angel. I have never met a woman more courageous than my grandmother. After taking care of her brothers and sisters in the Philippines, raising 6 children, dealing with an abusive relationship, fighting a long and hard 8 year battle with cancer, and being a second mother to her 14 grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren, she is leaving her legacy with her family and loved ones. Although, she has passed, she has won the battle. She left the world the same day she entered it and like at birth, we should celebrate her life. A wonderful, long, and blessed life.

Nanay, thank you for your strength, love, and compassion. I am a better person because I knew you and because you loved me. One day I hope to become half the woman you were. Nanay, I know you are celebrating now with Ryan and Poppy in heaven. I love you my Grandmother, my Mother, my Nanay.

Aida Biteranta: February 4, 1934 - February 4, 2011

“Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.” - Marie Lloyd

Happy Birthday Nanay

Happy Birthday to my amazing grandmother. Today you shall be queen! Doctors and hospitals won't stop us from celebrating. You deserve all the love, peace, and happiness this birthday. I love you Nanay!

On the Positive

Although the news isn't what our family wanted to hear, we must make the negative into a positive. All the years of fighting has prolonged my grandma's life to the fullest and for that we must all be thankful. Today we must hope for the best and make my grandma feel all the love, support, and appreciation she deserves. Live for the present and take each day one day at a time. Bring on the positive vibes.

I was able to connect to Skype at the hospital so my Grandma could talk to her son (my uncle) and her grandkids in the Philippines. It felt so good to see my Grandmas smile and the joy in her eyes as she got to talk and see her family over there. I want to see that smile as much as possible from here on out.