Some Days...

Do you ever wonder why one second you feel on top of the world and the other you feel completely out of your element? There are some days where I feel amazing and I can't help but smile because of all the love and blessings I have but other days can be a complete 180. I hope I'm not bipolar or anything, that would not be good. Today's been a little difficult, I've been pretty productive with my school work, but a part of me just feels like something's missing. Maybe it's because I miss my parents. They've been in the Philippines for a week now and I miss my usual random phone calls I'd make just to say hi and bug them. It's funny how you don't realize how much you miss the small things until you can't do them anymore. Or maybe it's the weather. I usually love the rain and all the perks that come with it such as big blankets, movies, pajamas, hot chocolate, and cuddling but the rain also makes me think a lot.

It's not as if I think thinking is a bad thing, obviously I'm a thinker because I over analyze ever stupid little detail in my life. But sometimes it's hard when you start thinking about where you are in life and where you are headed. I feel deathly afraid that I'm going through this whole law school process and somehow I'll still fail or have nothing to show for it. Or I'm afraid that I'll never really experience "love" because I won't let myself fall and get hurt again. But mostly I'm afraid that I'll go through the motions of life, without fulfilling a purpose. Sometimes I feel like it's great to be so passionate about what I do and the programs I volunteer for, but at what point is it too much? What if I feel like no matter what I do, it's never enough? I never used to think about these things, but lately I've been filled with so much emotion and I don't know what to do with it. I feel happy, sad, proud, alone,and driven all at the same time. Is this what it feels like to be an adult and have responsibilities and goals?

As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed.

- Vincent van Gogh

Anyhoot, those are just the "some days" there are "other days" too...